Am I really lost myself ???

So disappointed to myself now . Suddenly feeling so lonely , like nobody I can talk to right now , all I can do is just write everything here . Yesterday didn't study at all for today's science's papers , when I reached school early in the morning , I was like walk into a strange world that I never know. All of my friends just discussing science , all of them just try their best in the examination . Really feel that I'm alone at the moment , because I'm the only person who are not study at all , the only one that not understand what are they talking about . I not even dare to join them , because I'm afraid that I will disturbed them .

When having paper two that time , I simply do all the question , not even have one question that I can confirm the answer . All I can do is just simply filled in the blank with anythings in mind at the moment . The paper is from 10a.m to 12:30p.m , but I'm already done at 11:45a.m . I did not check my answer in the remaining 45 minutes , because I knew no matter how many times I change the answer , it will also wrong . What I did in that 45 minutes is keep on look at my gf and communicate with her , I told her I did not study science at all , even failed I also don't mind . Suddenly she told that " I feel like the Edwin that I like is lost " . When I heard that I really no mood at all , because I feel that she is right . The Edwin who will study before exam and teach her is lost , now this Edwin is only know play computer , sms with gf and play facebook . I also don't know since when I have became this , really don't know why I will became don't like study and ignore about my result !!! WHY !!! Sometimes I really don't know what I want , bought the protein powder and paid the gymnasium fee but did not go work out . Get a new desk in room for study but did not study at all . Say want give my future wife a perfect life but ignore about my result . Feel that now I was giving up myself , giving up everythings from myself . I really hope I can be last time that Edwin , just study , go gym , and work . Now I really feel so stress , still got three more subject to take , I will prove to my gf that the Edwin she like is never lost at all .